hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
