When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
