dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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