i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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