The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
