Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
