no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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