I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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