im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
