Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
