I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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