Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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