This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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