I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
