Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
