i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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