Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
