Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
