After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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