i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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