I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's like a pop up book from hell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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