Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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