I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
