I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
