R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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