Who wears a wallet chain?!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
