Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
