Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
