This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
