dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
