i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
two words...techno handjob
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
