Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize