i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
