Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
