We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
