Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize