he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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