That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
