If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
