Plan B is the new Plan A
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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