Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
