so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
