I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
