Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Randomize
