I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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