her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
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So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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