I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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