This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
