dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
