that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
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I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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