I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
