i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
