i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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