is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
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Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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