Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
