yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
