so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
