Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
