Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
