Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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