I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
