I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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