i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
