totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
