JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
