Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
