I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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