...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
