I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
