What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
