Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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