I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
