Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
