just come out here and I will go home with you...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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