True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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