I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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