i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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