Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
