i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
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Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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