piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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